To say that I’ve been dealing with some changes in my life would be a gross understatement.
I’ve dealt with some highs and lows in my life over this past month. I had a two-week long bereavement period for lost life plans because of some unforeseen circumstances that were beyond my control (I’m graduating even later than planned). Unlike previous situations where I was thrown curve balls, I allowed myself to feel, regroup, and deal with it in constructive ways. After I cried all my tears, I focused on what things I could control and dealt with the changes constructively.
My goal of getting my driver’s license is closer than ever. I accomplished some huge driving milestones (started driving lessons, learned how to parallel park, drove 3 hours/160+ miles to my boyfriend’s family’s home in Ohio). I’ve made my physical health priority by adopting some intuitive eating priciples, eliminating some foods from my diet that make me feel crappy, and exercising almost every single day. Over the past 3 years, I’ve made lifestyle that lead to me losing 20lbs and feeling a lot better, so I’m excited to increase the changes that I know will lead to more improvement regarding my physical and mental health.
Another way I’ve improved my mental health is by not tolerating as much bulls*** as I have in the past. I deleted Facebook friends who were former friends or people who detracted from my life in one way or another. It feels so good to no longer have that temptation of checking up on my former best friend who stigmatized and mocked people with mental illness or getting infuriated by insensitive posts made by people I stopped having things in common with a long time about. Recently trust was abused my someone I was close with and I stuck my ground by not letting my sympathy for others overpower the fact that I deserve respect. I’m sticking to the boundaries and values I live by no matter what temporary discomfort it brings (thank you Brené Brown for your infinite wisdom on this topic).
Making the most of my life is a new challenge for me. For years I loathed waking up in the morning because I craved permanent sleep to end my suffering. Now I have a slight fear of death, but so do most humans because it’s natural to not want to die. I make a point to branch out socially and venture outdoors. I embrace my mess “Jeep hair” when I drive it without the top and doors. I’ll listen to the same song over and over again if that makes me happy. I’m embracing imperfection and inner strength. I dance like I’m on stage or I just want to express myself.The writer’s block I felt due to being emotionally and physically drained has waned. I’m starting to feel the exuberance I hadn’t felt since I was a kid and it feels so damn good.
I’m adapting to the growing pains. Embracing my (almost) quarter-life crisis. I’m accepting that it’s perfectly okay to be simultaneously elated and terrified by the opportunities that are coming my way. In a weird way, I’m learning what it’s like to live life and feel. I’ve been recalibrating my emotions and realizing that my feelings are often the same feelings every human being feels regardless of their mental health status. I have learned a lot and still don’t know everything, but that’s what living life is for. It’s time to “turn and face the strange“.